Death: Now Delievered In 30 Minutes Or Less!

Brian Douglas Wells was something of an underachiever. After dropping out of high school in 1973, he managed to stick with his dead end pizza delivery job for almost 30 years. His last pizza delivery would definitely be the most memorable.

Being a stickler for customer satisfaction, when Marjorie Diehl-Armstrong and Kenneth Barnes told him that the time-bomb they had tied around his neck was fake, he believed them. They had planned a bank heist together with him before this date, and a very important part of stealing money, is making sure that you get away from it alive.

He was going to tell the cops that he was a hostage and that men planted the bomb on him so that they could get their demands met. Unfortunately, before he left the guys, they let him know that the bomb was actually real. Talk about a mind blowing reveal!

Anyhow, they gave him a nifty shotgun that looked like a cane and told him to go steal $250,000 from the bank and tell the police the original story. He did and the cops called in the bomb squad. Unfortunately for him, it was in fact a real time bomb after all. Three minutes, yes, just three minutes before the bomb squad showed up, Brian was given the gift of a fist-sized hole in his chest.

Kids, please, finish high school, and if you're so inclined have some post-secondary schooling or training... you don't want to wind up like this gullible imbecile, do you?

Brian Douglas Wells (1956 - 2003)

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Douglas_Wells

Smokey The Bear Wants To Eat You!

Timothy Treadwell, an eccentric (which is really just a polite way of saying bug nuts) amateur naturalist, who lived with Grizzlies for a bunch of years in Alaska, was killed and eaten by one of his Grizzly friends while he slept in a tent with girlfriend Amie Huguenard, who was also killed in the attack.

If you've seen the Herzog documentary Grizzly Man, then you're already familiar with the batshit insane Treadwell, who considered himself the Grizzlies' caretaker, while the bears were probably wondering why they were being stalked by a crazy, yellow-haired, effeminate freak.

The lesson to be learned here is that bears do not want to be your friend, despite some rare exceptions like Smokey the Bear, Winnie the Pooh, or William "The Refrigerator" Perry.

Oh, and for some more of Treadwell's antics, here he is repeatedly kissing a seal, which I can only assume also wanted to kill and eat him:


Timothy Treadwell (1957 - 2003)