Showing posts with label criminal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label criminal. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Death: Now Delievered In 30 Minutes Or Less!

That pizza was dy-no-mite! Brian Douglas Wells was something of an underachiever. After dropping out of high school in 1973, he managed to stick with his dead end pizza delivery job for almost 30 years. His last pizza delivery would definitely be the most memorable.

Being a stickler for customer satisfaction, when Marjorie Diehl-Armstrong and Kenneth Barnes told him that the time-bomb they had tied around his neck was fake, he believed them. They had planned a bank heist together with him before this date, and a very important part of stealing money, is making sure that you get away from it alive.

He was going to tell the cops that he was a hostage and that men planted the bomb on him so that they could get their demands met. Unfortunately, before he left the guys, they let him know that the bomb was actually real. Talk about a mind blowing reveal!

Anyhow, they gave him a nifty shotgun that looked like a cane and told him to go steal $250,000 from the bank and tell the police the original story. He did and the cops called in the bomb squad. Unfortunately for him, it was in fact a real time bomb after all. Three minutes, yes, just three minutes before the bomb squad showed up, Brian was given the gift of a fist-sized hole in his chest.

Kids, please, finish high school, and if you're so inclined have some post-secondary schooling or training... you don't want to wind up like this gullible imbecile, do you?

Brian Douglas Wells (1956 - 2003)

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Douglas_Wells

Monday, March 23, 2009

You're Not The Only Person With A Gun

This guy would have had a better chance. Even the dumbest people can come off as innocent victims, but that is an impossibility when you're wearing a mask and holding a gun. Christopher Barreto lead a life a crime, starting his dumb-assery when he was only 14 years old. I don't know what his home environment was, but I'm sure he got hit by chancletas and belts a lot, and may even have been made to kneel in rice. Still that doesn't excuse him for his future life of crime.

One night, Chris decided it would be a good idea to visit the "El Michoacano Supermarket" and hold them up at gun point. I don't know about you, but I'd be afraid to try anything on people who work at a place named "El Michoacano", simply because I'm sure they sell machetes there. Anyhow, I'm not too far off point, because when one of the employees hit a silent alarm, one in the back came around the store with a gun just in time to see Christopher pointing a gun at a woman and child.

Needless to say, it all ended with a BANG. See, if you're going to run around with a mask on, you better be either a superhero or a criminal with a bullet proof vest. Beyond that, do some goddamn research! Case the joint before you try to live up to thieving Hispanic stereotypes. Sure, one stereotype is bad enough, but you made us look stupid too!

Christopher Barreto (1985 - 2008)

Source: http://www.wthr.com/global/story.asp?s=9563031