Ring Around The Collar

Here's an unusual one from the medical files: A 67-year-old man accidentally hanged himself by his sweater. Impossible you say?

According to the autopsy, the man was piss-drunk, happened to pass out, and managed to catch the collar of his sweater on his motorcycle brake handle, strangling himself in the process.

I knew motorcycles were dangerous, but sweaters? I really do hope it was one of those hideous Christmas sweaters, as it would somehow make this story even funnier.

Of all the myriad ways to kick the bucket, this one definitely deserves special mention. I wonder if they have a special award in heaven for "Most Awesomely Mundane Death".

Unknown (1935 - 2002)

Source: http://www.biomedexperts.com/Abstract.bme/12040269/Accidental_hanging_by_a_sweater_an_unusual_case

Off The Wagon And On To The Rails

I hate getting on public transportation. I have to do it every goddamn day, and most people are annoying enough, without being drunk. I also hate going to concerts, only to be surrounded by inebreiated, shirtless morons or women that are trying hard not to throw up. You know what sounds even worse than this? A combo of the two.

Natalie Smead, 18, was on her way to a concert, with a bunch of friends and family, and decided to do some underage drinking for the ride. Why not, right? It's not like its illegal or anything. Now, had I been on this train, surrounded by a bunch of drunk concert goers, I'd probably start pushing people off of it at the next stop. That's just how I roll.

At some point at the station she fell off of the locomotive and into the gap between the train and the platform. Officials told her not to move and instead she found her way on to some tracks and got hit by a different train. Sure sounds like a bad day of drinking to me. It serves as a lesson to rest of us. Don't get drunk in public! Also, for fuck's sake, can we stop it with the teen drinking? Teenagers are dumb enough on their own, the last thing they need is alcohol to help them along towards G. W. Bush levels of stupid. Don't do drugs, stop drinking before your time, and stay in school. You damn kids, with your sex and your Twisted Sister!

Natalie Smead (1988 - 2006)

Source: http://gothamist.com/2006/08/07/fall_off_lirr_p.php

Erin Go Fuck Yourself!

William Lee Campbell, 41, of Colorado Springs, died recently. Unfortunately for William, there won't be anyone drinking in his honor because he got drunk, got on a motorcycle, and DUI'd, seriously injuring his passenger, Maria Renee Campbell. He could have hurt or killed others, but thankfully only his drunk ass is dead now. You would think a thousand commercials on TV or warning labels on beer bottles would spell it out for people by 2009.

Now that I come to think of it, today is an important day for us here. You see, today is St. Patrick's day, a celebration of when St. Patty died. (Ironic?) Really, is there any better day for us at www.HaHaYouDied.com to celebrate?

Yes. How about "I Won't Go Out And Get Drunk And Annoying In Primary Colors Day"? We're all about people being dumbshits, taking themselves out of the life equation, but don't injure innocent bystanders, or throw up on them. Let them fuck up on their own!

William Lee Campbell (1968 - 2009)