Hangkok In Bangkok

"Natural causes" my ass. Actually, I guess any time you die because you can't breathe, or your heart stops, it could be considered natural. If you kept living, that would be some unnatural, demonic, android shit. Unfortunately for David Carradine, when you have a public image, what you do with your privates, in private, will eventually become public. That is even more true if it winds up killing you.

Apparently, Carradine was found in a closet, with a rope around his neck and his genitals. Now, auto-erotic asphyxiation has killed people before, including some famous ones, but none of them were naked inside of a closet at a hotel. There is also a report that his hands were tied behind his back. Does this mean that someone else was in there with him? If so, didn't they realize that a safe word is pointless when you're choking and can't talk?

Either way, unless he was murdered, which I doubt, this is one hell of a stupid way for a healthy 72-year-old to leave this world. Whether Bill killed Bill, or it was some hooker turning some Beatrix on his Kiddo, with a rope tied around his Hanzo and his sword, it just ain't right.

David Carradine (1936 - 2009)

Source: http://www.nationmultimedia.com/2009/06/04/headlines/headlines_30104421.php

Snuggles: 1, Patrick Von Allmen: 0

Welcome to our continuing series on animal related deaths. Today's item concerns one Patrick Von Allmen, from Southern Indiana, 23-years-old, and the late owner of a 14-foot python that I'm going to call "Snuggles".

Snuggles, like most members of the Pythonidae family, had a real fondness for squeezing, or constricting things that it loved so very much, such as rodents, cats, neighborhood dogs, and one Patrick Von Allmen.

Sadly for Von Allmen, Snuggles squeezed a little too hard one fateful day when, according to family members, the young man informed them he was going to the shed to "treat the snake for a medical condition." How anyone can tell a snake is sick, I've no clue.

I'm going to assume the conversation went something like this:

Patrick Von Allmen (imagine Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel from The Simpsons): Hey mom, pa, sis, my darlin' wife (also directed at his sister), I'm goin' to the shed over yonder to fix up Snuggles somethin' good, 'cause he been sick as a dog lately.

Nevertheless, poor Von Allmen was found a few hours later, dead as a doornail, with the most deadly necktie imaginable coiled around his willowy neck. Poor, stupid Patrick Von Allmen. Done in by your own pet.

In the words of Nelson Muntz: Hah-Ha!

Patrick Von Allmen (1983 - 2006)

Source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14683082/

Ring Around The Collar

Here's an unusual one from the medical files: A 67-year-old man accidentally hanged himself by his sweater. Impossible you say?

According to the autopsy, the man was piss-drunk, happened to pass out, and managed to catch the collar of his sweater on his motorcycle brake handle, strangling himself in the process.

I knew motorcycles were dangerous, but sweaters? I really do hope it was one of those hideous Christmas sweaters, as it would somehow make this story even funnier.

Of all the myriad ways to kick the bucket, this one definitely deserves special mention. I wonder if they have a special award in heaven for "Most Awesomely Mundane Death".

Unknown (1935 - 2002)

Source: http://www.biomedexperts.com/Abstract.bme/12040269/Accidental_hanging_by_a_sweater_an_unusual_case