Hangkok In Bangkok

"Natural causes" my ass. Actually, I guess any time you die because you can't breathe, or your heart stops, it could be considered natural. If you kept living, that would be some unnatural, demonic, android shit. Unfortunately for David Carradine, when you have a public image, what you do with your privates, in private, will eventually become public. That is even more true if it winds up killing you.

Apparently, Carradine was found in a closet, with a rope around his neck and his genitals. Now, auto-erotic asphyxiation has killed people before, including some famous ones, but none of them were naked inside of a closet at a hotel. There is also a report that his hands were tied behind his back. Does this mean that someone else was in there with him? If so, didn't they realize that a safe word is pointless when you're choking and can't talk?

Either way, unless he was murdered, which I doubt, this is one hell of a stupid way for a healthy 72-year-old to leave this world. Whether Bill killed Bill, or it was some hooker turning some Beatrix on his Kiddo, with a rope tied around his Hanzo and his sword, it just ain't right.

David Carradine (1936 - 2009)

Source: http://www.nationmultimedia.com/2009/06/04/headlines/headlines_30104421.php

Master-Baiter

California native Jeff Twaddle, 54 -- Can I pause for a moment to point out what an awesome last name that is? Urban Dictionary offers the following definition:

1. To waddle due to an object inserted in one's bearded taco.

But I digress. Twaddle was a crew member on board a boat chartered to take some elementary school students from L.A. on a fishing trip. I imagine he was probably a fun guy to hang with. As evidence of this, he attempted to amuse the students by baiting a fish and sticking it in his mouth.

Things became unfunny very quickly, however, when he began choking on the fish. Crew members tried valiantly to save him, but were unsuccessful in their efforts. He would eventually become unconscious, go into full cardiac arrest, and later be pronounced dead at the hospital.

The autopsy would list the cause of death as "aspiration of fish", thus clearing up any uncertainty about the circumstances surrounding Twaddle's fishy death, and also ensuring that he would forever be remembered as the guy who choked to death on a fish, but not the guy with the last name that also means "To diddle one's twat."

Now, that's the real tragedy in my opinion.

Jeff Twaddle (1955 - 2009)

Source: http://www.latimes.com/news/la-me-choked-on-fish2-2009apr02,0,5570516.story

Sometimes Rubbers Don't Just Kill Sperm

There are a lot of sick, kid touching clergy on this planet. So much so that it shocks me when I find a man of the cloth into something other than little boys. Reverend Gary Aldridge, 41, may have tended his flock at the Thorington Road Baptist Church for 15 years, but that doesn't mean he didn't get his sick willy nilly's off now and again. Instead of feasting on the tiny pee-pees of Montgomery Alabama's youth, he had his eyes set on things of a latex nature.

Though his blind followers may not allow themselves to believe that their religious leader loved to swing from straps, while being covered from head to toe in rubber wet suits, with a condom covered dildo in his ass... that is exactly how the cops found him. Well, he gets a little bit of respect for not hurting anyone but himself with this, but come on man! Where the fuck was that dildo that you needed to put a condom on it? Do I want to know? Still, he did something wrong according to his beliefs and paid the ultimate price for it: an embarassing death, complete with anal masturbation. I'm sure his family was super happy with what happened.

Gary Aldridge (1960 - 2007)

Source: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1008072scuba1.html

The Best Medicine

They say that laughter is the best medicine, which is why you might think that inhaling large quantities of nitrous oxide, a.k.a "laughing gas", could be a good thing.

Well, turns out that doing so can interfere with your intake of oxygen, essentially suffocating you, without your dumb ass even being aware.

Too bad nobody told that to David Baron, a 58-year-old from Gloucestershire, England, who was found dead in his home, still hooked up to the dental grade machine he had purchased to get all goofy in private.

But wait! That's not the best part. Turns out Mr. Baron had a bit of kinky side, as he was found wearing women's undergarments at the time of his death. Based on photos found at the scene, police surmised that he must have been in the middle of a bizarre "sexual experiment". WTF!? If Mr. Baron was no longer laughing, the police most certainly were.

I guess this goes to show that inhaling large doses of nitrous oxide can be funny -- especially if it's done by a cross-dressing dumbfuck who manages to OD.

David Baron (1947 - 2005)

Source: http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-19011645-details/Sex+experiment+killed+man/article.do